I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I party with great urgency now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
