You were right. It hurts to walk today.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
