Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
