so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
