i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
