i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
