I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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