Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
