But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
