The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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