If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
