the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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