i don't like sucking hair
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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