dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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