he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
