he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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