the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
