Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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