I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize