she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
