That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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