just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
