Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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