I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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