So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize