my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
