he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
