It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this boner is exhausting
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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