If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
