Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
