Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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