I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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