I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
