yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
