at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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