I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
