ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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