i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
