idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
