sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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