I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
