i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
