stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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