Can Purell be used as lube?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
