I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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