i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
