We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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