i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
