I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
