the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
