worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drake has all the answers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
