Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
