PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
