forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
