I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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