i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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