Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
