Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize