that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
