it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
