She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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