Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
