i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
