If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so let's talk penis.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
