my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The air taste purple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
