I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
