when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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