Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
