Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
