Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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