I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
