i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
