i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
