So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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