You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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