Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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