When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize