Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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