Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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