Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
